On My Own Terms
by GEM8
Summary: Laura’s beliefs are tested, she’s dying but will she be able to accept her future destiny. Jack helps her deal with the trying times ahead and sets some people straight.


Title: On My Terms

Author: GEM

Date written: 10/16/08

Rated: T

Story Timeline: season 4

Category: Drama

Characters: Cottle, Laura Roslin with sprinkles of A/R

Summary: Laura's beliefs are tested, she's dying but will she be able to accept her future destiny. Jack helps her deal with the trying times ahead and sets some people straight.

Author's Note: Cottle MOL V: Premonition

Spoiler Faith, and more of Season 4

Faith…Laura had always had faith. She believed that she was fulfilling her destiny, but as she sat her holding the silken scarf, with leaves in pale green and gold. She wouldn't see Earth but her people would be safe. She sat alone grasping as the scarf. Emily had been so strong in the end. Laura wasn't sure if she could be that strong. Tears were flowing freely from her eyes but she wasn't crying.

Jack Cottle pulled back the curtain surround Laura's bed and found it empty. "Oh hell." He stepped back about to bellow for a nurse when he heard a slight moment coming from the next bed—Emily's bed. Jack had noticed that she and Laura had become close over the last few days. Emily died a hour ago and they hadn't transferred the body to the morgue yet. Jack took a silent step closer to the Curtin that separated the beds and listened.

"Gods protect her soul and lead her home to her loved ones."

Jack pulled the curtain back and stood behind Laura. I walked quietly toward her and knelt down. Laura was clutching a silk scarf in her hand, her head in her hands. Jack reached out and placed a hand on her calf. "Laura." He received no response. "Laura come back to bed now, you need to rest."

Laura's head snapped up Jack came face to face with her tear stricken features. He reached out for her but she pulled away. "I don't want to die like this." Laura voice was a whisper.

Jack reached out for her hand and squeezed it. "We aren't given the choice." Jack stood up, still handing her hand. "Come on, we need to get you back to bed."

Laura looked up into his eyes. "I don't want to leave her Jack."

"It time Laura they're transferring her now." Jack felt her lean on him as she stood up. Her hand slipped from his as she walked up toward Emily.

Laura brushed her hand against Emily's face. "I hope you're with your family and happy now, sleep well." Laura walked away and took Jack's hand again. He helped her back into her bed and tucked her in.

"Would you like me to stay?"

"Laura wiped the tears from her eyes. I…I think I just want to be alone right now."

"All right. You know where I am if you need me." Jack watched Laura turn away and curl up. He stood there for a moment wishing there was something more he could do to stop the tears.

---

"_For what it's worth, I voted for you in the last election. And I don't like how Baltar keeps ragging on you. That is not why I listen to him."_

"_Why do you listen to him?"_

"_I had an experience that made me rethink all my preconceptions." _

"_What kind of experience?" _

Jack Cottle sat at his desk basket in the light of his desk lamp review charts. The liquid courage in the glass wasn't having the desired effect tonight. The look in Laura's eyes was haunting. Yes he was her doctor. He shouldn't get to close but he was also her friend. Bill and Tory were also here from time to time to heighten her sprits, but situations of late had keep Bill away more then either of them would like.

"Doctor she's restless again, no one can wake her."

"Thank you Lynn. I'll be right there."

---

"_It happened the night after Cottle told me that my cancer had spread to my liver and I'd never be leaving this place. I was on a ferry crossing a river, and as we were approaching the other side I saw all these people standing on the bank. And we got closer, and I recognized them. My parents. My sister Kathy, who died when I was twelve. My husband, my girls. I... I was scared for a moment. You know, how is this happening? But then I... I felt it. This ... presence. Hovering all around me. Warm. Loving, and... It said, "Don't be scared, Emily. I'm with you. Hold my hand and we'll cross over together." _

"_But a lot of people in our predicament have dreams like that, Emily."_

"_No. I was there. I felt the cool breeze coming from the water. The spray from the bow. Maybe he's stumbled onto something. You know, he talks about the river that separates our world from the next. That... That there's more to this existence than we can see with our naked eye. There's a power that we can't begin to understand."_

Cottle approached Laura's bed there were a myriad of nurses around. "The shows over folks beat it." The nurses began to walk away.

One of the younger nurses turned back to Cottle "Surely your not going to leave her that way."

"I was thinking about…of course not…now scram." Jack watch the young woman run away and turned back to Laura. She was in a fitful sleep, no doubt dreaming of Emily and in so doing about her future as well. He pulled the curtain around the bed of some piracy.

Jack reached for her hand and with his free hand brushed back the hair from her face. "Time to wake up, young lady. Laura! Laura! LAURA."

Laura woke with a start, in a cold sweat. She could feel someone caressing her face and holding her hand. She looked around and the confusion of the passed minute melted away she was in Sickbay.

"Welcome back." Jack sat down next to her and continued to soothe her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"My guardian Angel." Laura turned on her side and smiled at Jack.

"No, that would be Bill. I just offer and helping hand once in a while. Although the last couple of days this seems to be the norm."

"I noticed.

I also noticed Bill hasn't been around." Jack wiped away a single fresh tear. Do you want to tell me why?"

"I don't want to cause him anymore pain Jack. He has enough to worry about without worrying about me." Laura moved the bed up so she was in a sitting potion."

That's fracking crap Laura and you know it! Jack stood up and adjusted her IV. "We all love you. Bill worries about you everyday Laura." Cottle sat next to the bed and leaned forward to look Laura in the eye. "You were so strong, Laura and it the last couple of days you have just been different. What's happened?"

Laura turned to lay on her side again. "You've become my shrink now?"

Cottle reached into his pockets and frigates with his pack of cigarettes. "If you don't want to confide in me, talk to someone else. Bill is available and I'm sure he would be willing"

Laura watched as Cottle pulled his hand out of his pocket. "Jack, I'm dying of Cancer, if you want to have a cigarette while you sitting here go ahead. The second-hand smoke sure is hell isn't going to be what kills me."

"Fine, have it your way." Jack pulled out his cigarettes and lighter; he lit up and turned to Laura "Now spill."

"It might get a little personal."

"I can handle it."

Laura and Jack spent the early morning hours talking about her life since they left New Caprica. "I was so happy when I saw him again. I knew that we didn't have a lot of time left, but there was no reason to hide anymore. Baltar and is goons weren't keeping track of us and our feeling for each other weren't going away." Laura paused and took a breath.

"Keep going."

"I've been getting sicker with each treatment."

"That's to be expected." Jack offered Laura his hand and she took it. "Bill's been here with you every step of the way. I hear him reading to you and talking to you every time I come to check on you."

"It's true but we need _more_ if you know what I mean."

"More?" Cottle looked at Laura and took a drag on his cigarette "Ah, what are you two a couple of starving teenagers…."

Laura's pale face flushed with more color. "I wouldn't say teenagers."

"Sex…this is about sex."

"Jack, it's not about sex. It's about love and making the most of the time we have left."

"So why the nightmares?"

"Emily said something to me before she died. She claimed to have seen her family in a dream. She said that she felt her husband take her hand."

"Your freaking out over some sort of premonition. Laura it's not uncommon for dying people to dream about loved ones."

Laura sat up. "I know I remember that from when my moth…"

Jack watched the tears well up again. He took Laura in her arms. "All right it's all right.

"I don't want to die alone. My mother had me, but I don't have…"

Jack held Laura close and he heard someone else enter the room.

"You're not alone Laura." Bill walked over to the bed. Jack let go of Laura and looked up at his friend and commander

"About time you got here." Jack stood up and offered Bill the chair.

"Sorry, I heard from Ishay that she was having a rough night."

"I think she'll be fine. We talked but I'm sure that she'll want to speak with you.

Ah, boys, you do realize I am in the room, right."

"Yes we do." Cottle offered as Bill sat down next to her and took her in his arms. "A couple of things before I leave you two. Laura you should be released in the morning we will see you next week for the next round. As for your other question, you should be fine to take care of that in a couple of days." Jack smirked at her and took his leave.

"What was that about?" Bill asked kissing Laura on the forehead.

Laura stared at the spot were Jack stood and giggled. "Nothing. How did it go today?"

"I'm sorry I didn't stop by earlier. It was crazy today, but Kara and her crew are on their way.

"Do you think she'll find Earth?"

"I don't know…until a couple of weeks ago I thought she was dead, but she seems to be dedicate to find the truth. Kara's truth is finding Earth.

"If she finds Earth, that means you loose me." Bill held her close to him tightly. "I won't accept that."

Laura Roslin walked into sickbay for her weekly appointment. "Good Afternoon, Ma'am."

"Good Afternoon, Lynn." Laura smiled and followed Ishay to an empty bed. Laura placed her book and other work on the bedside table before sitting on the bed.

Ishay took her vitals and then smiled sweetly, "Doc Cottle will be right over."

"Thank you."

Laura laid back against the pillow and closed her eyes. The day had been stress full first Lee was demanding answers about her visions, the rebel cylons arrived claiming to want to end their ability to resurrect. Laura eyes were still closed and she could see Bill's face and she relived the conversation she just left.

"_The Five could know the way to Earth." _

"_If they do, they're not gonna lead us there after we've just destroyed their resurrection capacity. "_

"_Maybe they're different, like the rebels." _

"_What if they're not? What if their sole purpose is to destroy us?" _

"_Why don't we split the difference? Unbox D'Anna and find the Five. Keep the Five till we get to Earth, turn them over to the rebels. They've waited this long. It'll be on our terms. ...It's all pie in the sky, gentlemen, until we know what's true and what's not."_

"_And we put a lid on it. The real plan stays in this room. If the plan gets leaked to the Cylons, all bets are off. Have someone escort the rebel leader back to her Baseship so she can inform her people they have a deal." _

"Madame President." Cottle got no response as he stepped up to her bedside. "Laura." Laura opened her eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. I must have dozed off."

"No problem. Jack pulled the IV stand closer and readied the dosage. "It seems like you had an eventful day." Jack sat of the bed next to her. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"I feel claustrophobic Jack, everything I do is seen as so drug induced prophecy. We are joining the cylons…joining the people who put an end to our way of life. Lee is calling me out about comments that Baltar is making. Bill is being the commander at the moment, but I need more."

"The visions with Athena."

"Visions, premonitions whatever you want to call them. I don't even know what they are anymore. " Laura breathing was labored

Jack put his hand over her. "You need to relax…close your eyes and just relax."

"I want someone here with me in the end Jack. I want something more than just someone at my bedside."

"I can understand that. What's the problem?"

"I can't have my own terms and conditions. I can't tell the people of the fleet to trust me because I'm having visions. The Quorum is ready to vote no confidence. They think I've lost it."

"That's crap." Jack pushed the IV stand away from the bed. Your step-son is right young lady go and talk to them. This can wait that long. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Jack?"

"Do you or do you not feel strong enough to put those sniveling idiots in their place?"

"I do."

"Good than go. An hour here or there isn't going to kill you any faster." Jack helped Laura out of bed and called Tory while she dressed.

---

Laura stood up in front of the Quorm and began to speak her voice barely a whisper. She knew Bill was behind her and wanted nothing more that to melt back into his arms. She was on barrowed time in so many ways. Cottle had let her out to make her case and here she was hopefully calming her people. "I didn't come here to beg, or plead, or apologize, or to keep my job. You know me better than that. And I didn't come here to create sympathy by parading my illness in front of you. On the contrary, there are some that probably believe that along with my cancer drugs, I have inoculated myself against compassion." She smiled at them all, but they remained quiet, no doubt, sizing her up.

"I am here because I want to tell you face to face that I believe in this mission and what it means for our future. I'm here to profess my trust in our new allies. I'm here to ask you to listen; I'm here to ask for your support. This mission is the only way for us to find Earth. Our destiny's have collided and we have to see this through."

---

Laura laid back on the bed and watched as Jack inserted the IV into her arm. Do you think they bought it?"

"Yes, I think they did."

"So way the long face?" Jack finished and started the drip and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm truly alone. Tory is sleeping with Baltar…I can't trust her. Bill is here but not here."

"He's been here a lot for you lately." Jack threw the used gloved in the waste can

"I know but I need him now."

"He should be down in a couple of minutes. I called him when you arrived."

---

Bill was seated next to her bed. Laura was back with them. She told him that she loved him, that she missed him. It was time to get over the shock of their situation and realize that through it all Laura would be there for him as she always had. He needed to return the favor.

"You come to your senses old man?" Jack asked as he walked over to her bed.

"Yeah, she set me straight."

"''Bout fracking time. Sitting out there in the raptor was a stupid ass move. The things we do for love, huh."

Bill Chuckled "Yeah, but it was worth it."

" It certainly was." Jack stared across at Bill. "She'll be fine Bill. You two still have time. Don't let a good thing go to waste."

"I won't. Jack, did she talk to you before I came in."

"Yeah. I am her doctor."

"Did she mention anything about seeing things, premonitions?"

"No, not today, but we've talked before. After the incident with the cylons, Kobol, and New Caprica. I think it's the drugs but, then again I've never been one for that faith crap. I'm a man of science.

"I wasn't either but we've made it to Earth and she her. She's defied the odds."

"Yes, she has. The gods have accepted her terms and conditions. Jack stood up and walked back towards his office. He turned back to Bill. "Don't stay here all night, get some sleep yourself. If she wakes up, I'll walk her to your quarters, if she doesn't I'll discharge her in the morning."

"I'll wait until she wakes up." Bill leaned forward in the chair and rubbed his eyes.

"Fine, but why don't you take the rack next to her and get some sleep." Jack pulled a cigarette from his lab coat and lit it.

"I'm fine."

Jack looked at Bill. "I will sedate you if you don't hit that rack right now. Jack pulled the curtain open and walked over and pulled the far curtain closed. "Look you two have a private room. Jack took a puff of his newly lit cigarette. He pointed to the bed. "You bed now, that's an order. I've set me own terms and conditions. "Move soldier."

Bill walked over the bed while unbuttoning his jacket. "Yes, Mom."

"Watch it wise ass."


End file.
